


A Dax by Any Other Name

by babyhellboy (orphan_account)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, No Beta, also this got really sad what the heck, dw it ends not sad, eventual bed sharing, i just really wanted to write a kirezri fic i guess, oh god why have I done this Im an artist not a writer, they/them ezri!, this literally took all my brainpower to use sorry i probably wont write fic again, weeelllll more like couch sharing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23111608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/babyhellboy
Summary: After all the time spent with the Kira, how could someone not fall in love with her? The passion in her voice whenever she spoke, the small touches that she'd never admit she actually did. Ezri understood what Jadzia saw in her. They just hoped that maybe, perhaps, just a little bit, Nerys would feel the same about Ezri.
Relationships: Ezri Dax/Kira Nerys
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	1. “Fuck”

Ezri Dax was a brand new being. That's how it always started wasn’t it? Over 300 years of memories, experiences, love, loss, pain, joy. Where did she start and dax ended? They looked at the people on the station that they knew so well and didn't know at all. They didn’t want to be joined. They just wanted to be a simple starfleet officer, but Ezri didn't have much of a choice now. Ezri sat down at the promenade with a drink in their hand, looking down upon it like the next series of events would change her life forever. 

Deep in their thoughts, Ezri didn’t realize they weren't alone until a hand rested itself on their shoulder. It was so familiar and so foreign at once it hurt their brain trying to think about it. Dax looked up and saw the colonel look down at them expectantly. 

“I’m sorry, I must’ve lost myself in my own head”

“I asked if this seat was taken. You look like you could use some company,” The Colonel repeated. 

With a gulp of their emotions, Dax nodded their head and finally spoke. 

“N-no of course not, colonel. By all means, join me?”

Kira chuckled as she sat down, “You don't sound too confident about that.”

Ezri looked down at the mug they were clutching in their hands. if mugs could speak, this one would probably have suffocated at this point. 

“I’m not really sure about anything anymore, colonel. Its just... so much”

“Kira.”

“What?”

The colonel rested her hand upon Ezri's death grip on their mug, relieving just the tiniest bit of tension from their hands. In another universe, the mug would have said thanks. 

“Colonel feels too formal. Just call me Kira,” she gave Ezri the softest of smiles as she released their hand. immediately, ezri missed the sensation of the bajoran’s fingers. ‘It's not like that. Those are just Jadzia’s feelings.’ Ezri internally reprimanded themselves. ‘It would've been her.’

“It would've been you, you know.”

What?

“What?”

Ezri’s eyes went wide, first with surprise, and then embarrassment. Why did they say that? That wasn't their information to share. But it was. Wasn't it? Ezri Looked up at kira with a sudden horror as the realization settled deep into their stomach with no intention of leaving any time soon. 

With a swiftness unlike they'd ever shown at any time in their short life, Ezri lifted themselves from the chair they were in and in two seconds flat had disappeared from kiras direct line of sight. 

Ezri would never be able to interact with her again. They’d probably die. 

Kira looked at the abandoned mug and picked it up. It was now empty. Hollow. Exactly like she felt trying to grasp for someone that didn't exist anymore. why did it have to be Jadzia? of all the people in the quadrant, why one that never ceased to exist yet was forever gone from her now? Ezri wasn't Jadzia. She knew that well. But yet, something drew the bajoran to the trill, and it showed no signs of stopping now.

* * *

A few days passed before Kira saw Ezri again. She had been busy with the latest group of delta quadrant aliens demanding some sort of ridiculous negotiation and there seemed no signs of either side getting what they wanted quite yet. Sisko had finally decided that Kira would probably not be of much help anymore so he decided to send her off. They’d figure something out, but he knew she needed a break. 

Kira made her way to Dax’s office to see how the younger trill was doing. After not seeing them in a while, she figured she might as well drop by. Kira just chalked it up to checking in on them because that’s what a superior officer did. She made her presence known quietly hoping not to startle the young lieutenant, but somehow, she still did.

“Oh! Um.... Good afternoon, major,” Dax said awkwardly. 

“Kira, remember?” Kira said while tilting her head and smirking. 

Ezri looked back at her and nodded, “Right. Right. Would you like to sit down?” They motioned to the seat across from them, as Kira was already halfway in it. 

“I want to apologize about the other day. It wasn’t my place to share that information.”

Kira studied Ezri’s face for a beat or two. It felt like she was staring at them for an eternity. Like they were trapped in the gaze of a targ, not knowing what to do next. 

The bajoran smiled softly at the trill, a sad look in her eyes. “I knew... We had moments. It got close sometimes, but it just wasn’t the right time for us I guess.” She clutched her hands together in her lap, looking at them as though they would bring Jadzia back to her. They wouldn’t. She knew that. Kira looked back up at Ezri. For once, they had no clue what to say. They sat there in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable per se, but it wasn’t exactly ideal either. So much left unsaid within a lifetime. How could it possibly change?

“I know I don’t know much about you, but,” Kira took a deep breath, “you know quite a lot about me... Maybe, we should get to know each other. Do a holoprogram together sometime?”

Ezri was surprised. They thought- they didn’t know what they thought honestly. They just didn’t expect this. 

“Personally, I’m not quite as fond as Jadzia was of the holodecks. But if that’s what you would like to do-“

“Oh prophets no, I only really ever did it for her.”

Ezri looked up at Kira, maybe they had a little bit more in common than they assumed. 

“How about meeting up at Quark’s for some drinks later?”

“Is that a date?” Kira asked with a smirk. 

Ezri blushes furiously, she was never this forward with Jadzia. Then again, Ezri wasn’t Jadzia. 

“It's just a joke, lieutenant. Maybe you really do need that drink,” Kira’s mask of professionalism slid back into her face as she stood up, “I’m really quite exhausted after the events of the past few days, but I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

The way she spoke, stiff yet full of hope had Dax’s thoughts once again running a mile a minute. It couldn’t be because she cared about them. Could it? Of course not, they barely knew each other. 

Ezri nodded and smiled, “Of course, colonel.” 

Kira smiled with a curt nod and left Ezri’s office silently. Ezri looked back at the chair that had just been in use not two minutes ago before gathering the couple of padds they had left to look over. Ezri stared down at their own hands, clutching the padds with a strength they didn’t know they had. 

What the hell were they doing? Instinct told them that continuing whatever it is Kira and Jadzia had would probably not be the best idea. But how could anyone resist the beautiful Bajoran woman who fought tooth and nails to accomplish all she had in her young life. That splitting headache of too many thoughts at once came roaring back at Ezri fast and loud. Of course they cared about Kira. That would never change. But where did Jadzia’s feelings for her end and Ezri’s begin? 

“Fuck.”

This was gonna be harder than Ezri imagined.


	2. Better than Expected

They had been getting together a little over twice a week after their shifts for about five months now. Things between then were going really well and Ezri considered Kira one of their closest friends. 

However, tonight felt different. Ezri was laying on their bed, memories and thoughts swirling around like they so often did. Their mind was once again on the subject that just wouldn’t leave them alone lately. Kira Nerys. The latest interaction between the two of them earlier that day had them... baffled. 

The colonel had asked for a rain check on their usual Thursday night dinner. She had told Ezri that she had needed to do some meditation. Of course, the meditation itself isn’t what they found odd. Ezri would never admit it but they knew Kira’s routine better than they knew their own spots. And they spent a lot of time looking at themselves in a mirror. 

Ezri wracked their brain trying to figure out what could’ve possibly gone wrong within the last couple days. Was it perhaps something they had told the bajoran? Maybe Ezri shouldn’t have been quite so forward that one time. Or that other time. They suddenly realized there were a lot of different times. 

“Oh prophets, what have I done?” 

Prophets?

Ezri blinked for a moment, their brain short circuiting like a piece of old terran technology. 

Everything was fine, right? They laid on their bed as long as they possibly could, which honestly wasn’t much longer than five minutes, before they retreated to the couch. 

“Computer, lights at twenty percent,” Ezri spoke with a crack in their voice.

This really was getting out of hand. A memory of Kira helping Jadzia meditate made its way to the surface if Dax’s mind as they made themselves comfortable on the couch. 

Ezri recalled how Jadzia couldn’t quite get the hang of it and decided it just wasn’t for her. They found numerous other things to do together and Kira never brought it up again. Ezri’s heart clenched at the thought of possibly disappointing Kira. Not out of fear. Okay well a little bit out of fear. Who isn’t a little bit terrified of the bajoran colonel with a determination stronger than neutronium and an anger that could burn brighter than any star?

Memories jumbled in Dax’s head, intertwining endlessly with Kira right in the middle. 

Dax closed their eyes and rested their hands upon their lap. Before they could get a good rhythm going with their breath, the door had the audacity to chime. 

Frazzled as ever, yet thankful for the interruption, Ezri lept up off of the couch to see who could possibly need their attention at almost... three in the morning? They really could use a distraction from-

“Kira,” Ezri said in the softest of voices, ”C-come in!”

Kira looked beautifully disheveled in her bajoran undershirt and uniform slacks. Her posture was slightly slouched, not making direct eye contact with Ezri whatsoever. With a quick observation, Ezri led her to the couch, recognizing the exhaustion in the bajoran’s posture. Dax sat down first, settling into the corner of the couch, shortly followed by Kira settling herself in between Ezri’s legs with her head on their chest.

Once again in a situation so completely new yet not at the same time had Ezri unsure of what exactly to do. 

Should they ask what brought Kira here? Should they ask if Kira wanted to talk? Kira would’ve said something by now right? Maybe it was best to let her lay there for a but and talk when she was ready. Ezri could feel their night blouse grow damp where Kira’s head rested on Ezri’s chest. Their heart ached at the fact that Kira was crying. Sobs wracked Kira’s muscular frame, one right after the other. How could such a strong woman suddenly seem so small? 

In that moment, Ezri wanted nothing more than to be able to protect Kira from the things that plagued the bajoran. Ezri stroked Kira’s soft red hair as they finally figured out what to do with their arms. They would wait until Kira was feeling better. It didn’t feel fair to add more to whatever it was Kira was going through.

After a while, the sobbing seemed to stop and Kira’s breathing evened out. She had fallen asleep on Ezri and they weren’t planning on disturbing her slumber anytime soon. It was quite soothing actually. Yes. This was definitely something Ezri could get accustomed to. 

They understood. They really did. Everything Jazdia saw in kira, Ezri saw that and more. They understood now what it was that they felt. After all the time spent with the Kira, how could someone _not_ fall in love with her? The passion in her voice whenever she spoke, the small touches that she’d never admit she was actually doing. Ezri understood what Jadzia saw in her. They just hoped that maybe, perhaps, just a little bit, Nerys would feel the same about Ezri. Ezri continued to stroke Kira’s hair until eventually they too fell asleep. This was perfect.

* * *

That following morning, Ezri woke up and the memories of the previous night flooded their mind. They looked down at the peaceful bajoran and blushed as they removed their hand from the sliver of her exposed back. It took a couple of minutes but they were able to relax by stroking Kira’s soft hair. 

Twenty minutes later, Kira woke up with a jolt. Ezri stroked her head softly as they tried to calm her down. Kira leaned into the touch, slowly realizing where and who she was with. She lifted herself up with her arms so so that she could look at the small trill better and blushed furiously. Ezri’s face was flushed and they could barely make eye contact with the bajoran.

“Oh prophets, I am so sorry,” Kira said as she made her way off of Ezri. They both immediately missed the warmth and comfort that came from holding and being held in return. 

“W-what for?”

Kira opened and closed her mouth. What _was_ she sorry for?

“I...”

Last night's tears came back with a vengeance as Kira looked away from Ezri. 

“You’re not her. You never will be. And I _know_ that. I know I’ll never be able to see her again and I’ve come to terms with that. I have! I spent so much time in meditation trying to sort it all out. I wish I felt bad about caring so deeply, so strongly for you. But I don’t and that's just how it is sometimes. Yes, she's gone. But you are here.”

Kira rubbed at her eyes, trying to get rid of her vulnerability. She startled slightly at the sensation of Ezri putting their hand on her back and rubbing softly in circles.

“You know, I figured it out.”

Kira looked up at Ezri in confusion, “ _What_?”

“I finally figured out which feelings were hers and which are mine. It took me so long. Longer than I’d care to admit to sort it all out,” Ezri chuckled lightly, “She loved you so much, and I-I thought for a while that that was only her, just the residual feelings from Dax. But I _am_ Dax. and I’m me too. The more time we spent together, the clearer it became. And either way, Dax or Ezri, I know one thing for sure. And that is that I, Ezri Dax, love you.”

Tears started welling up in Kira’s eyes but it wasn’t sadness. She studied Ezri’s face, looking for something she always knew was there. Kira saw it, love. She hurtled towards Ezri, wrapping her arms around the tiny trill and burying her head in their neck. This was so much better than she could’ve hoped for. As Ezri held her in return, the comfort and warmth of the previous night seeping back into the both of them slowly, Kira spoke.

“I love you too, Ezri Dax.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really just wanted to write some cute bed/couch sharing and then it turned kinda angsty lmao. find me on tumblr at @punkspockispunkrock!

**Author's Note:**

> ayeeee if you made it this far I hope you liked it! you can find me on tumblr as @punkspockispunkrock I mainly do art lol


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